Yesterday, Joe Sharkey of the NY Times published an article entitled “Not Too Small to Appear on a Big No-Fly Watch” Lishttp://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/30/business/30road.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
This article is about a 2 year old (and later when he is 4) with a name similar to a name on the No-Fly Watch List. Twice his mother has been told he was on the Terrorist Watch List. The mother was understandably upset and now the family has chosen to drive instead of fly when going on vacation.
Here is my problem with that. What does that teach a child?
In my seminars, I teach parents that children immediately can sense when a parent feels threatened, gets upset or defensive, or is stressed. They then will react to this “message” sent unknowingly from the parent -sometimes by acting out, crying, clinging to parent, backing away in fear, etc.
True, the airline could have handled the situation better, talking quietly with the mother and “figuring it out”. However, as parents we are only in control of our reaction to situations – we cannot control how others act. When traveling, there are multiple times when we may be treated unfairly by airline, hotel, rental car employees, etc.. Do we get angry, back away and refuse to fly, stay in hotels, or rent cars again? Or do we explain to our child that sometimes mistakes are made and require some extra work to get it figured out? A child then has a chance to see an example of how to react to bumps in the road.
Take a moment to see things from a child’s point of view. Will this little boy be traumatized from this event and think that he is “bad” because the airlines said so? Not if his mother – who “knows all” at this point in a child’s life handles the situation correctly.
It can be overwhelming when I realize how much my son relies on my husband and I (above anyone else in his life) to train him for real life. But I do know one thing – no matter how much things get screwed up with the outside world, my son will not question if he is a “terrorist” or “bad” if my husband and I explain things to him at an age appropriate level.
The system is not perfect and never will be. A powerful lesson for children is handling these imperfections with respect, professionalism, and dignity.
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